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I Am Not My Father

Added Oct 12, 2022 •

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Essay by Mario Duenez for the October 2022 issue of the Signature, the Hancock School Newspaper

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I'm not my father written and read by Nadia news as sad as it is to say gunshots are normal sound to hear in Chicago but the cause or Reason hard to cross my mind one night however I heard gunshots right outside my house the shots are way too close to ignore and naturally six-year-old me starting to panic my immediate thought was to check for the safety of finally I was able to find everyone but my dad little did I know he was the one shooting the shots earlier before this happened my dad was already making poor choices when money was tired he would use alternative methods to get money I admired that he would do anything for his family although that was before I understood the cost eventually he would get an activity and purchase guns he would have at least five guns in his room alone he would work nights at the John Deere but he would steal products and sell them at the flea market these are all things I was observing about him as well as adapting to his perspective of right and wrong when my dad got arrested that night for shooting a gun it wasn't the first time I found a member of mine was arrested however this is the first time I experienced it happen to real time I was already familiar with the idea of visiting remember he's in jail the process involved just getting past a few doors the difference now is that my father was behind a glass wall dividing him from me and the rest of the world at first I was in denial believing that my dad was only going to be there for a few weeks to a month but that didn't happen though we were separated he and I would write letters to each other and he always made sure to call me on my birthday I'm not sure when it all just stopped no letters no calls and no explanation he just ended all contact for reasons unknown to me that was when I began to understand that he isn't there for me as a result I began to realize that he was not a good dad I can never take away for my dad that he would do anything for his family eventually I accepted that he had reasons to do what he did I don't want to be like him at all his choice to help his family recklessly ultimately put him and those he cared about in danger I was putting him on a pedal because he was my dad but when he ended contact with me I could truly see who he was to me a warning I did copy some of my dad's behavior when it came to a petty crime such a theft but that was because it was what I was taught whenever I see the Cook County Jail I get reminded that while I could end up a statistic I don't have to be like my dad I can recognize his good qualities such as his sacrifice for the family still I also see how Thoughtless and careless he was in the end and me I've learned not to take the easy way out because I understand the consequences but himself there it's up to me if I learn from this example or not this is raining in Hancock College Prep AP English language class the audio recording and editing software with me go through a grant from the Illinois press foundation and Illinois Farm Bureau

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I Am Not My Father

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